27 Dresses

(I thought it was hilarious that my dress from pageant was one of the bridesmaid dresses in the movie that was made fun of- maybe it's a good thing I didn't get the green one! hahaha)

I saw this movie today. It stars Katherine Heigl as an independent woman who ironically loves weddings and everything about them. She had been a bridesmaid in TWENTY-SEVEN WEDDINGS! How crazy is that?

Well, before I spoil the ending for you, I will let you know that this movie is a chick-flick. Now... if that doesn't spoil the ending for you, I don't know what will. As I was walking out of the theater last night, I thought to myself, "Self, why do I pay six dollars for a movie where I know that the main character will fall in love and live 'happily ever after'"? Yes, *gasp*, it's true- she fell in love, got married, walked off into the sunset with her knight in shining armor, and lived happily ever after. Or that's at least what they want you to believe :)

I know I must sound like the most bitter person that has seen this movie, but it's true! Why do we get sucked into this cycle? I'm just wondering. We (and by we I mean women) see a preview for a movie like this, say it looks soooo cute, and then go pay for it! When 98% of the time, we know that it's going to end happily.

I honestly have no idea what my point of this post is. I think it might be that I somehow always feel good after seeing these type of movies for about 10 minutes, but in all honesty, then I feel completely upset that I spent money on it. Yes, it was a great movie- it was "cute". But I don't always like the way these movies make me feel.

This past week God has shown me (as He seems to do a lot) that I am perfectly content- that I am fine. By this I mean, He is my rock, He is my refuge. These are the words I cling to from Psalm 73:
23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength [2] of my heart and my portion forever.

He is my strength, He is my portion.

I don't want a simple movie to make me feel otherwise.

Any thoughts?

Hopeless romantic?

Well here it comes... me writing about the one thing I'd rather not. But a big part of me has to, because I have to get it out. That's right.... the life of being single. I really do hate the phrase, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." because you kind of begin to believe it. Now I know I am young and I have "my whole life" ahead of me, but sometimes a girl just has to wonder.

This summer has been particularly hard when it comes to this because all of my relatives call to check on me, and it's inevitable that they all ask "So are you dating yet?" I can only come up with so many different answers: "No, I'm just waiting for the right guy." "No, I'm too busy for a boyfriend." Someone even told me "Good." when I answered. Excuse me for being cynical about this, but if it's good to be single, why did you ask me if I was dating?

I may sound kind of upset right now, but it'd because I am. Even my co-workers, whom I've known for a little over a month, ask me. When I reply, I hear, "You're not dating?! Why not?!?!"

To be completely honest, the answer "I'm waiting for the right guy" is the truth. I really am. And no, I don't know how I will know if he's the right one, but I will. I have so many friends that are getting engaged, and while I am only 20 years old, it's hard not to think why I haven't even been on a date.

I want to feel like I'm special, and I want to be "swept off my feet". I desire to know what that feels like, you know? I want to laugh about things that don't matter, and go on walks with someone because we can. I want to take goofy pictures together. I want to go climb a mountain with him. I want to do my hair for a special occasion. I even want to buy a pretty dress so we can go dancing together, even if we both have two left feet. I want to write mushy letters, too. Yes, I'm your typical girl. But maybe not, because I have never done these things. But I want to. Hopeless romantic it is..

I know it's all in God's timing, but it's hard to not wonder...

Days With Mom

So this week has been pretty great :)

To be quite honest with you, I wasn't really ready to come home this summer. I may have alluded to that in past posts, but I'm just saying the plain truth :) I'm sure it exists with every mother-daughter relationship, but I wasn't ready to come home to less independence, more chores, and being told whether or not my hair looks good that day. :{ So, I prayed before the summer that I would somehow find the strength and wisdom that comes in being a good daughter, and resisting my fleshly wants.

We've had our moments. But this week has been great. We've had wonderful conversations, funny moments, talks about our soldier (dad) whom we miss and can't wait to have back, and just an all around good time. God is definitely giving me strength, and a deeper love for my mom. (Don't get me wrong, I've always loved her, but we are becoming much closer.) I'm excited about this. God is amazing. He is such a faithful Father, and I am so thankful.

Tomorrow, my mom and I will be spending the day out as we look for dresses. I'm very excited about this!! We are also going to look for videos or books that I need to help me out. It will be a lot of fun!! :)

Question and Answer :)

What's new with me? Well, hmmmm...

I have enjoyed my day off, and am excited about another one tomorrow! I had a test in my History class today, but it wasn't bad at all. Then I tried to go to different bookstores to find a book of skits, with no success :( This is going to be really hard.

Stephanie- to answer your question about pageant. I can't believe I haven't told you!! Well, MHB has a pageant each year, and I will be representing the Student Foundations group on campus. Student Foundations is an organization that helps out with different events for the alumni. It's very fun to talk with them and hear their stories about their time at UMHB, too. :) Anyways, the pageant will be held in November, and I think there are about 25 girls that participate each year. We have a platform, talent, evening gown walk, and a private interview with judges. Before coming to UMHB, I remember seeing pictures of it, and thinking, "Wow that looks really neat, but I would never do it." When I was given the chance to participate, I hesitated, but decided to do it. It's going to be a long journey, but I am very excited about meeting all the other girls and seeing what God has in store. I know there will be a lot of growth, and I look forward to it. Oh, and guess what I've chosen for my talent? Mime! I even have a "mime coach"! Finding skits is the hard part though... :)

All Good Things

With my dad being gone in Kuwait/Iraq, life is always different when I come back to SA. These past couple weeks have been weeks of transition. I moved out of my apartment in Belton and came back to San Antonio. I've been back for breaks, but I haven't lived here in 3 years. So it's definitely a change for me.

I started my job at the retirement home. The average age of the people dining is 82. It's very fun to see them every day and get to know them some more. They are extremely nice and understanding, and even tell me that I am beautiful. I love that, because who gets to go to work to be told they're beautiful? My biggest task to overcome was lifting and balancing trays of food on my shoulder. It's definitely an art I am still trying to master, but I have become more confident that I won't drop anyone's meal... that's actually my biggest fear. ;) This job has proven to me that I can do anything I set my mind to, because I was not expecting to be waitressing this summer! God provided a wonderful working environment and I am so thankful.

Life at home has been interesting. My pugs have been a little high maintenance lately. We still give Edith daily eye-drops, and both her and Khaki have recently been attacked by fleas. I bathed them twice, but we eneded up taking them to the vet. My pugs are seriously like my children, because I worry about them when they stay at the vet all day, and I get so excited to pick them up. I have always been very protective of them, so it should be interesting to see how I am when I have kids one day!

Summer school starts in about a week 1/2. I'm a little nervous. Nothing is like UMHB, but it should be fun to meet some fellow San Antonio students. Although I must say that I really hope I have a good teacher... I'm taking a History class, and I NEED a good teacher to stay awake!

My dad comes back to the states in 91 days, as of right now. He is definitely retiring once he gets back, and I am so excited that my family can be "civilian normal" for the first time in my life!

Guatemala plans are happening! My adopted mom, Shanon, and I are looking at different venues and talking to our missions team at our church. I am so excited about this. We have a chance of leaving in December, but we are leaning towards next summer. Yay!

Oh, and if you read all of this, good job! ;)

Blessings and Anxiety

:)

I got the job at the retirement/nursing home! Now I will finally be doing something productive and making a little bit of money! Woo! :)

Although, I must say that reality kind of hit today when I registered for my summer classes. All of the online classes ended up being full, which is mainly my fault for registering so late, and so I'm now enrolled in one class for each session. It should be an interesting summer as I have no idea what to expect with the pace of the classes and a new environment. I'm sure it will be fine, but sometimes I just wonder what I'm doing!

Speaking of which, I've been feeling a little overwhelmed by the future. While I am so thankful for the blessings God has given me- a job in less than a week, the opportunity to take classes for much less than UMHB, a loving mother at home- I'm still anxious about it. I feel like I have never been as scared by the future as I do now. I guess I just never realized how uncomfortable I am with unfamiliarity. I'm worried about the classes, the job, and especially next semester. I really need to completely trust that God has it under control. Isn't it odd to know that but not trust? Isn't even more odd to be thankful for what you are worried about? Have you ever felt like this?

Crazy Weeks

Wow! It's so hard to believe that it's already Mar, and that tomorrow I take my last final of the semester. I'm excited about this because I'm able to take a break! :)

So much ahs happened since I last wrote... Many areas of life changed that I didn't think would. I was going to work an after school program next year, but now I will be babysitting for the people that live next door to the people I babysit for now. They have one little boy, and I'll be doing that on the weekends. This is because I'm going to be in the MHB Pageant....

I know. IT'S CRAZY. It's a long story on how this happened. I'm sure it will be something that will hold a very special place in my college experience. I'm excited about meeting the other girls and getting to know them more. I'm excited about God stretching me, especially since I've never performed solo on a stage before! I'm looking forward to it. You can ask me more about it in person or on the phone if you want to. :) So this summer I will be working, taking online classes, and preparing for that. It should definitely prove to be an eventful summer! :)

Classes have been okay this semester... I'm pretty sure I've made all B's, but I am totally okay with that because the classes were tough. Especially my upper level English courses... ask me a question to do with Linguistics, and I should be able to answer! :)

I go home on Saturday. I'm excited about the vacation. I never thought I'd say it... but I'm looking forward to getting away from school life for a while. I need a change of pace, and I'm excited to see what it brings.

Oh, and about that weather... it's crazy!

Oh, and I also cut my hair! I gave in to my hair temptations and cut it shorter than usual- right above the shoulders. I like it! :)

Energy!

I woke up this morning after I spent the night at my friend Allie's and while it took me a couple minutes to get going, I was all ready for the day afterwards! I went to work, I'm about to go to class, and then I'm going to find a job for next year in the Career Services building. I won't include everything I'm doing today, but it's a lot! So it's probably a good thing that this kick of motivation came today. :)

Great week!

Lauren and I got accepted to live in a house that we have been calling "our house" ever since we applied for it! :)It includes a loft and a breakfast nook!! I can't tell you how excited I am to be sharing a cute, cottage-like house with one of my best friends!! :) This is by far one of the greatest things that happened this week! I am so excited about having dinners and movie nights, and inviting all of our friends over all the time. A part of me is very sad that I won't be living in Huckins because my dear friend Allie was going to be in there as our RA, but I promised her she will be at our house as often as possible. I'm so excited!! So, if you have any furniture (maybe an old kitchen table?) that you want to get rid of, please let me know!! :)

Another great thing was the time I've gotten to spend with all my kids out at Children's Ministry. A few of them got to participate in the Easter Pageant again this year (which was amazing!), and I enjoyed every moment. For some reason, when I'm around them, I feel like everything's great. They bring something out in me, and I'm sure many of our volunteers that come out each week, that just makes you feel closer to God. I love that. I don't know if it makes sense, but I love it. Plus, what's cooler than being in a play about the life of Jesus with kids that you love?

God has brought me to a place that I've been praying for. That place where I don't worry about the future and what will happen in any area of my life because I'm in His hands. Now if only my stupid human flesh would stop wondering about it all... I promise it's just as bad as worrying!!

I'm leaving tomorrow for home. My mom has some awesome plans for us. We are going to try to get free trees at this huge plant/tree celebration. I don't know too much about it, but I'm all for getting free trees! I'd get to plant it in our yard, which is always way fun! :)

The Sin of Idolatry

I want to blog a little about something that really hit me at Revival. The very first night, Matt asked, "What is your hell?" He then gave examples of what many people struggle with. His first example was the single Christian girls he sees at his church that just graduate from college. The girl is thinking, "AH! I'm still single, and I'm *gasp* 22 years old." Then these girls proceed to date many guys, constantly giving their hearts away, because of their perception of hell: ending up alone.

Let me tell you, this hit me hard. That is definitely a struggle for me. I don't want to end up "alone".I want to be in love one day with a godly man. I want to have a family. I want, I want, I want, I want. Right??

While he continued to give other examples, his ultimate conclusion was that our hell should be separation from God. He went on to say that God created us with a desire to worship HIM(!!) but all too often we pin that desire on something that He created.

"...because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen." -Romans 1:25

I may not see it now, but I don't want to end up like this, 5, 10, 20 years down the road. I don't want to worship God's creation, rather than God himself.

Another thing Matt said that moved me was when he was talking about his daughter. He said that he so desperately wants for his daughter to grow up and marry a godly man, not just a cool Christian guy. How true is this!! Not only for the husband I want to marry one day, but I too don't want to be just a "cool Christian girl". I want to be a godly woman, I want to reflect His light, I want His words to constantly flow off of my lips! How beautiful will it be when I finally do meet that man of God. How beautiful will it be when I know that God blessed me because I did not give in to my desires to "not be alone", and instead of having that be my hell, my hell was being separated from Him! How beautiful will it be when I can share that love for the Father wish a wonderful, godly man! How beautiful will it be when that relationship glorifies the Lord because we are completely satisfied in Him.

And how beautiful it is that God hits me with these realizations so hard that I can find joy in Him because He is my Father, because He is good... when I delight in His love because it is so much better, powerful, and stronger than anything else I can ever find. How beautiful it is that I can be satisfied in Him and never be alone with or without an earthly relationship.

Nonsensical randomness...

I apologize if my posts have made no sense at all lately... including this one.

I am pretty much finished with school work right now. I only have one thing left, and it's a multicultural breakfast on Friday. Our country is Germany, which is pretty fun!

Jenn (roommate) and I have been going to the Daily Grind the past couple nights because or our new love for Tazo Chai Frozen Milk Tea (is that what it's called?). I am not a huge fan of buying tea, but oh man... I recommend this one! Plus, the coffee shop is just a ton of fun. I have known this guy that works there since my freshman year. His name is Leonard, although he sometimes calls himself "Dr. Love" for his matchmaking skills. Well, he served in Vietnam and is just a cool guy. Anyways, he pretty much gave us the best compliment I've ever heard the other night. We were on the topic of singleness (come on now, he is Dr. Love), and he told us, "There's no way you girls will be single for the rest of your lives- you're too pretty." For some reason, I just needed to hear that. Sometimes it's pretty believable that I became a nun in my sleep or something!

Oh and I have a small prayer request for myself. Lately I have been tossing things back and forth in my head that I'd really rather not toss back and forth in my head (sorry for that redundancy). It's nothing bad, I just really don't want to be thinking about these things. I feel like they're annoying, and they serve no use to me.

A love for music and reading...

+ = WONDERFUL! :)


Can you guess which music I am listening to as I read?

Well, if you didn't guess Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack by Dario Marianelli, then you have not been keeping up. ;)

I have a pretty big test tomorrow night, and so I'm re-reading some of our short stories in American Literature. I think I have come to the conclusion that Theodore Dreiser writes very eloquently. It's as if the words are jumping off the page and taking the shape that they would be if it were all real. It's like dreaming while awake. :)

Or maybe the P&P Soundtrack just has the effect on me.... Either way, I am very much enjoying myself right now! :)

Weekends are one of my favorite things..

After a long, somewhat tough, week... I am enjoying the weekend. While I do have to study, I'm also finding time for myself to have some fun. I have a pretty big test on Monday in American Literature, but it's okay :)

Yesterday, Lauren B. and I went to a bunch of little shops and tried on cute little clothes.

I'm also very excited about an upcoming blog design by Susie at Bluebird Blogs. :) It should be done soon!! :)I've yet to decide on a color scheme from the many I am thinking of...

Okay, well it's time to enjoy lunch with a good friend and hen get some serious studying done! :)

Weekends are amazing!

This week was like finals week, only it felt a little worse than that. I had 3 tests in a row! :) I don't even think my finals are like that this semester. Anyways, I made it out, and now I plan on enjoying my weekend! :) MLC has a retreat tonight, which I'm excited about! We'll play games, act out osme skits, read the Word, worship, and eat some breakfast that all the boys are making. That should be interesting! haha ;)

So, I hope everyone else has a wonderful weekend! :)

Miss Quinn! :)

So I have started going to my "adopted mom's" 5th grade English classroom every Friday. It has been very insightful. :) Last week when I went, most of the kids just kind of stared at me and didn't really want to talk, with the exception of those sweet girls that smile and say, "You're pretty!" (now THAT makes my day). Well, today, when I walked in, all I head was "Miss Quinn" from a number of students. It sounded so great :) I never knew how affirming it would sound to me, but it was just like music to my ears. I had to stop and actually think, "I am going to be 'Miss Quinn' to SO many students in a couple years. That's crazy!

I'm really enjoying my classes. They have already proven to be challenging, but I'm enjoying the informaton that I am learning from them. It's just kind of neat to read for my homework, and then discuss it in class. Many students here always say, "Better you than me", but I really am enjoying it. Granted, I do have my days where I just feel overwhelmed, but those experiences are teaching me how to manage my time better. My hardest class yet has been General Linguistics. There are a lot of technical terms that I have to remember, but I can't say that it's not interesting. :)

Anyways, I'm going to read, drink tea, and listen to my Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. I am such a girl :)

The writings of a single girl: The plain, don't feel sorry for me, truth.

The past few weeks have been another one of those weeks. For me, one of those weeks is the kind where you are just longing for some real companionship. Being single, I automatically pin this on the fact that I'm without a boyfriend. I have friends here that are true treasures in my life, but sometimes it just doesn't fill that hole.

Thinking about this (as I write), I think of a good section of Blue Like Jazz that I read last year. Despite the controversy or the popularity of that book, I read something in there that brought a smile to my heart. Donald Miller was talking to his newlywed friend, when he asked him how new married life was. His friend responded with quite the surprising answer, and replied with something along these lines: "It's wonderful, but it's not complete fulfillment. I love my wife, but I will never truly know her like she desires to be known, and she will never truly know me the way I desire to be known.... The only one that can truly know us is God." I don't know about you, but that is amazing to me.

I know people in my life care about me. I can't say that I don't sometimes wonder how different life would be if I had a boyfriend, a fiancee, or a husband. I can take joy in the fact that I have my Lord and that He is always accessible for me to talk to, to pour my heart out to, to cry with, to laugh with, to love.

It is when I am in these moments of longing for a(nother) companion that I realize I need to spend more time with my Lord. It is in these times when I say "I miss him," and I realize that that him is Him, my Father in Heaven. It is times like these that draw me back to Him.

smells good.

My perfume, that is.

That's really not what this post is about though ;)

I went out to eat with my good friend, Paige, this morning. I know her from church and she's pretty stinkin' cool (and by stinkin' I mean awesome)! We wanted to go to this small place called "Oldies Diner", but they are closed until April! That stinks, especially since their breakfast is only $2.99. We got over it real fast though and decided to go to I-HOP instead. I had the "Passport". 'Twas good. We talked about our lives and what's going on, and also about what God has been showing us lately. Then, Paige surprised me with a gift card to Goody's and LifeWay. She's too sweet. So, I endedup getting a sweater and some socks from Goody's. I'm waiting until the 31st to go to LifeWay because the book I want won't be here until then.

I'm going to babysit tonight, and tomorrow I will probably be in the library all afternoon catching up on my class work! :)

Back in the Routine

I am definitely one of those people that thrive off of a routine.... well, a spontaneous routine. A routine within a routine? I don't know... but I love having classes, and everything that works around them.

This morning I took my written screening test, well.. half of it at least. It wasn't as hard as my mind usually works that type of thing to be. Then, in Diverse Populations, we made groups of 4 for our multicultural breakfast. Our group ended up choosing Germany for our country. This should be exciting since I lived there for part of my childhood, and I worked at a German restaurant for a few months. I'm pretty sure I like most German food... even the Reuben sandwich.

After class, I was so hungry because I had been thinking about food, so I stopped by Burger King to pick up a Croissant, and left to go babysit. I hadn't seen the kids in 6 weeks, which is FOREVER to me. It's amazing what changes can occur in that time span. Anna is talking even more than before, and has mastered the art of jumping. It's quite amusing. Nathan is taller, still growing like a weed. I love those kids so much. The thought of them moving makes me want to cry. :( I still have a few more months with them.

Afterwards, I rushed back to the apartment to get whatever I needed to do done for room check. I have an amazing roommate. She cooked dinner and everything. :) Then I rushed off to my Linguistics class, which is proving to be even more interesting than I thought. I have a lot of vocabulary to learn though... my study skills are going to be tested even more this semester.

So, anyways- today was a much better day than the previous ones. God has been hinting to me that He has it under control, and I really need to trust Him, even in the practical things, like a car. He clearly revealed to me that He has me in His hands.

Oh, and on a totally different note:
Please pray for me as I work up the courage to tell my dad that I want to go to Guatemala next Spring Break. There's a great opportunity for me next year, and I really want to go. I'd be working in the orphanages with the Guatemalan children, sharing the love of Christ to kids that don't feel like they matter to anyone.

$800.00

I think I'm beginning to learn the reality of becoming an adult. I'm only paying half... but wow, I guess I underestimated the price of car repairs. The good news is-I'm okay.

Tomorrow morning I have a written screening test. I'm not too worried about it, but it is one of the requirements to be accepted into the school of education.

I'm really trying to not let the beginning of this week take over my mood. I think a nice warm shower is in store, as well as some good sleep.

Oh, 2007!

So every time I get to the end and beginning of a year, I tend to think about things. Things like what changes will occur, who I am/want to become, things I KNOW will happen (or at least am 98% sure of) and things I want to happen.

Here's what's made the list:

Changes that will occur/things I KNOW will happen...
1. New roommate and new apartment- I am excited about this because it's always fun to get to know another person and share those special times that only roomies usually share, such as cooking, laughing late in the night after late night talks, a drive off campus just cause you need it, etc. The new apartment will be fun because it's always fun to decorate somethings in a unique way! :)

2. Upper level English Classes- I'm going to read... a LOT! I'm excited. I know this won't always be the case when I'm up until 3 studying, but hey- it's the experience that is always fun to look back on. I get to learn, and what a privilege that is!

3. Taking summer school in SA- Wow.... I'm not too sure about this one but it has to happen. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!

4. Finding a summer job in SA- I'm looking at things from retail all the way to working at a church again. We shall see what happens!

5. My dad coming home!! - He'll be on his 2 week leave in March, and home for good near the beginning of September. I am absolutely excited about this!!!

6. I'm sure there are other things I can't think of at the moment....

Who I am/Want to become...
Right now I am at a point in my life where I am realizing a lot of things about myself. I am a Christian that desires a deeper relationship with the Lord. I want to become so strong in my walk with Him, I want to memorize scripture more, I want to love Him and others more. I want to be a woman of God that, God willing, a godly man will be glad to call his wife one day. I want to shine more for my King. I want to be confident in the woman that He has created me to be.


This I want to happen...
I want to make better grades. I've been falling into the "more B's than A's" category lately... I want Children's Ministry to really be a place where the kids can learn about the Lord and have fun. I want the playground project for Children's Ministry to be successful. I want to develop deeper friendships.

I want a lot, right? I pray that the Lord's hand will be over all of these areas in my life. I pray that I will turn to Him during the good and hard times of this year. I pray that I will be a brighter light for Him. I pray that 2007 presents a time of growth for you as well!

Oh, and good for you for reading through all of this. Love y'all!