Some thoughts just running through my head...

At my small group tonight that I meet with each week, I couldn't sort my thoughts. I haven't been able to sort my thoughts. I'm one of those people that wants answers to questions- clear, distinct answers. I am not getting those answers right now. For some reason tonight, after reading a portion of the sermon on the mount with our group, I felt the need to just be still. I realized that I go throughout my day as a pretty cheerful person (lately). I have been making it a point to try to encourage those around me. I have been going out of my way to meet with people and enjoy time with friends. I have been doing all of these things, and while they may be good, they are not when I haven't found the time to just be still. As I walked back to my apartment tonight, I looked up at the stars and the moon, and everything in me wanted to be somewhere else. My life is not bad at all- I am very blessed. But when I forget about being still, and meeting with Him like I do with my friends, with study groups, with text books... it dawns on me all at once that I am not investing enough of my time in Him. I go throughout my day trying to please Him, talking about Him, thinking of Him... these are all good things. But what about spending just as much time meeting with Him?

Tonight Shawn passed out a list of questions that she found online, and I think they are very important to ask:
1. Am I investing in myself?
2. Am I genuinely interested in others?
3. Am I doing what I love doing and loving what I do?
4. Am I staying in my strength zone?
5. Am I investing my time with the right people?
6. Am I taking others to a higher level? (mission)
7. Am I taking care of today?
8. Am I taking time to think?
9. Am I developing leaders?
10. Am I pleasing God?

None of these things are possible if I'm not on the same page as my awesome Father in Heaven. If I try to accomplish these things... I fail. I feel miserable. Because during the midst of me not spending as much time with Him as I should, I begin to try to do the other things without Him. I begin to live in a way that suggests I don't need Him.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:2 (the first beatitude)

So I want to seek His face. I want Him to be my fuel. If He's not, then what I am doing is all in vain.

I never really write a whole lot about this, and I'm sorry to be so transparent, but I want to begin writing things on here that could be of encouragement to you. I want to call them "devotionals", but I don't know if this post would be considered that or not. I hope that this was encouraging to you- maybe you could recognize some of the same characteristics and need for change in your life. I pray that in any way, my words will spur you to chase after our King.