Teaching!

I'm taking two education classes this semester: Curriculum Methods and Classroom Management. For each class, I need to do 26 hours of field experience, putting me at 52 hours this semester. I'm not quite sure how this will work considering I have school and 2 jobs... but it will work. I promise! :)

Anyways, that was me going off on a tangent again. Today I met the two teachers I will be working alongside this semester, and I felt so good about it. They were both so encouraging and offered me many resources to help me in my teaching career. One even gave me the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel (which I have wanted to read for a while. We both agreed that the lessons I would teach this semester would be over that book. We discussed the Holocaust, Wiesel's beautiful words and writing, and of course- the life of a teacher. She told me how stressful it can be, yet how rewarding. I was deeply encouraged by everything she told me.

As we sat and talked in her overly crowded (by desks) classroom, I felt like everything I have been preparing for is so right. I'm going to be honest and tell you that I have questioned the career I have chosen. But I know that I sought the Lord in prayer about this very intently, and I know that He has a plan. As I walked through the highschool hallways today, I knew that what I was doing was exactly where I needed to be. While many of the students I saw today were taller than me, I still felt older than them. I know that sounds crazy, but I have feared that I would not be confident walking through the hallways of a highschool as a teacher, but today God brought that peace.

After hearing about some of these student's lives, my heart went out to them. Our world is full of so much that we choose to overlook. There are 15 year old students that see school as their only safe haven. I am excited for what is to come. I know it will be rough, but I am so ready to see what God has planned.

I start in the classrooms next week. Before, my biggest fear was feeling confident, but now- my worry is, "What will I wear?!" (That's right, I STILL have not deveoped my teaching wardrobe...)

27 Dresses

(I thought it was hilarious that my dress from pageant was one of the bridesmaid dresses in the movie that was made fun of- maybe it's a good thing I didn't get the green one! hahaha)

I saw this movie today. It stars Katherine Heigl as an independent woman who ironically loves weddings and everything about them. She had been a bridesmaid in TWENTY-SEVEN WEDDINGS! How crazy is that?

Well, before I spoil the ending for you, I will let you know that this movie is a chick-flick. Now... if that doesn't spoil the ending for you, I don't know what will. As I was walking out of the theater last night, I thought to myself, "Self, why do I pay six dollars for a movie where I know that the main character will fall in love and live 'happily ever after'"? Yes, *gasp*, it's true- she fell in love, got married, walked off into the sunset with her knight in shining armor, and lived happily ever after. Or that's at least what they want you to believe :)

I know I must sound like the most bitter person that has seen this movie, but it's true! Why do we get sucked into this cycle? I'm just wondering. We (and by we I mean women) see a preview for a movie like this, say it looks soooo cute, and then go pay for it! When 98% of the time, we know that it's going to end happily.

I honestly have no idea what my point of this post is. I think it might be that I somehow always feel good after seeing these type of movies for about 10 minutes, but in all honesty, then I feel completely upset that I spent money on it. Yes, it was a great movie- it was "cute". But I don't always like the way these movies make me feel.

This past week God has shown me (as He seems to do a lot) that I am perfectly content- that I am fine. By this I mean, He is my rock, He is my refuge. These are the words I cling to from Psalm 73:
23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength [2] of my heart and my portion forever.

He is my strength, He is my portion.

I don't want a simple movie to make me feel otherwise.

Any thoughts?

"All the world's a stage..."

My favorite class is currently Shakespeare. Just thought I'd share :) We had our midterm today and I think I made an A. I get advised for my last semester of classes next Monday. I will have MWF off, so I'm thinking of a job that I could take.. possibly subbing. I'm pretty excited!!

Lately God has been teaching me more about being real. And that's mainly why I'm writing about this, because I want to be obedient to what He is telling me, and be completely real and not cover anything up. So here goes...

He really had to break me down a couple nights ago... I was babysitting and the kids had gone to sleep and I was pretty tired because I was re-reading some Shakespeare. I got a phone call from one of my guy friends on campus, a fellow English lover, and told him that I couldn't go to a Shakespeare play with the group we had planned. Anyways, a mutual girlfriend of ours was in the background... we hung out earlier this semester, but not so much lately.

You may be thinking, "Yeah, so what's the big deal?" Well, small things usually surface larger feelings. And just so you know, I in no way have any feelings for this guy. But for some reason, God used a simple conversation and realization that my two friends were hanging out without me, and told me that I wasn't being real in my relationships with people. I don't know when this behavior started, but I'm thinking when my dad was deployed. I had told myself that I would not dwell on all the emotion that came with my dad being gone. I knew that I would be strong. But now I know that there is no winning with that battle. You have to deal with your emotions.

I was upset because I don't know these two people in that way. I feel like I haven't been real with anyone in a long time. I haven't told you that sometimes, or most of the time, I don't always have it together. I get stressed out. I compare the way I look with other girls. I'm not always happy with who God made me. But He's teaching me everyday. He's teaching me through pageant, and other things. But I never discuss these things with anyone.

I could sit here and say "Woe be me because I don't have a significant other to share things with and be real with." And I'm not going to make this one of my posts about being single, but God does call us to relationshipS (that's plural) with one another where we carry each other's burdens. I'm tired of hiding the fact that I fail sometimes.

So here it is in all caps: I MESS UP. I AM NOT PERFECT. I HAVE TO LEAN ON MY HEAVENLY FATHER, AND RELY ON MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. WE ALL HAVE TO. LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

I'm just tired of the superficial, acquaintance-type relationships. So lets go beyond that and actually talk to each other. I'm not going to worry about whether or not I would be revealing too much, because I don't reveal enough at all, and instead, I put up a mask of perfection.... which I hope people have seen through.

Is anyone with me? Does anyone else get bogged down with the false standard of everything being together? Because I am. And I hope that I made you think. Because it's been on my heart lately, and I'm trying to break down walls that I have put up.

I want to be real with you.

"Captivated"

God always uses the most simple, yet very complex, things to draw me to Him. It is these things that captivate me. My favorite male vocalist, Shawn McDonald, wrote a song that encompasses exactly how I feel about God and His magnificent creation. If you want to hear the song you can go to: http://myspace.com/shawnmcdonald . But even better than that, buy his new CD that comes out tomorrow!! :)

Here are the beautiful words:
Captivated

When I look into the mountains I see your fame
When I look in to the night's sky it sparkles your name
The wind and the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
That's what draws me to you

I am captivated
By you
In all that you do
I am captivated

When I wake unto the morning it gives me your sight
When I look across the ocean it echoes your might
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way you made me
That's what draws me to you

I am captivated
By you
In all that you do
I am captivated

The wind and the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way you made me

The blood in my veins and my heart you invade
The plants how they grow and the tree and their shade
The way that I feel and love in my soul
I thank you my god for let me know about you about you

Hopeless romantic?

Well here it comes... me writing about the one thing I'd rather not. But a big part of me has to, because I have to get it out. That's right.... the life of being single. I really do hate the phrase, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." because you kind of begin to believe it. Now I know I am young and I have "my whole life" ahead of me, but sometimes a girl just has to wonder.

This summer has been particularly hard when it comes to this because all of my relatives call to check on me, and it's inevitable that they all ask "So are you dating yet?" I can only come up with so many different answers: "No, I'm just waiting for the right guy." "No, I'm too busy for a boyfriend." Someone even told me "Good." when I answered. Excuse me for being cynical about this, but if it's good to be single, why did you ask me if I was dating?

I may sound kind of upset right now, but it'd because I am. Even my co-workers, whom I've known for a little over a month, ask me. When I reply, I hear, "You're not dating?! Why not?!?!"

To be completely honest, the answer "I'm waiting for the right guy" is the truth. I really am. And no, I don't know how I will know if he's the right one, but I will. I have so many friends that are getting engaged, and while I am only 20 years old, it's hard not to think why I haven't even been on a date.

I want to feel like I'm special, and I want to be "swept off my feet". I desire to know what that feels like, you know? I want to laugh about things that don't matter, and go on walks with someone because we can. I want to take goofy pictures together. I want to go climb a mountain with him. I want to do my hair for a special occasion. I even want to buy a pretty dress so we can go dancing together, even if we both have two left feet. I want to write mushy letters, too. Yes, I'm your typical girl. But maybe not, because I have never done these things. But I want to. Hopeless romantic it is..

I know it's all in God's timing, but it's hard to not wonder...

Days With Mom

So this week has been pretty great :)

To be quite honest with you, I wasn't really ready to come home this summer. I may have alluded to that in past posts, but I'm just saying the plain truth :) I'm sure it exists with every mother-daughter relationship, but I wasn't ready to come home to less independence, more chores, and being told whether or not my hair looks good that day. :{ So, I prayed before the summer that I would somehow find the strength and wisdom that comes in being a good daughter, and resisting my fleshly wants.

We've had our moments. But this week has been great. We've had wonderful conversations, funny moments, talks about our soldier (dad) whom we miss and can't wait to have back, and just an all around good time. God is definitely giving me strength, and a deeper love for my mom. (Don't get me wrong, I've always loved her, but we are becoming much closer.) I'm excited about this. God is amazing. He is such a faithful Father, and I am so thankful.

Tomorrow, my mom and I will be spending the day out as we look for dresses. I'm very excited about this!! We are also going to look for videos or books that I need to help me out. It will be a lot of fun!! :)

Day 1 - The Life of a Waitress in a Formal Dining Room

I must say that I absolutely loved every bit of tonight. I was honestly overwhelmed by everyone's kindness. Not only were my fellow employees nice, but the wonderful people I served tonight as well! They completely blew me away with their consistent curiosity as to whom their new waitress was. They truly care, ever for their waiters! Now I know that not every single person I serve will be as nice as they all were tonight, but I think I can handle it when the time arises. This is (aside from my jobs with children) byfar the best part time job I've ever had. God knows what He's doing!

The co-workers are a blast so far :) Luckily, I was not the only new girl tonight, as a girl named Morgan was starting tonight as well. Her brother, Cameron, who is another waiter, got her in. We shadowed him for part of the night, which was quite hilarious when we went to take the single men's order. One of the guys told Cameron, "You have these 2 girls following you, aren't you just lucky?" to which Cameron replied, "I know, they won't stop following me." It made me laugh. Senior adults always manage to say a joke that makes me laugh. :)

I'm looking forward to the summer. While I am still a little bit scared, and "a lot a bit" rusty in my skills still, God has provided graceful management who want to give us a week long training. Hopefully by then, I will have it down ;)

Blessings and Anxiety

:)

I got the job at the retirement/nursing home! Now I will finally be doing something productive and making a little bit of money! Woo! :)

Although, I must say that reality kind of hit today when I registered for my summer classes. All of the online classes ended up being full, which is mainly my fault for registering so late, and so I'm now enrolled in one class for each session. It should be an interesting summer as I have no idea what to expect with the pace of the classes and a new environment. I'm sure it will be fine, but sometimes I just wonder what I'm doing!

Speaking of which, I've been feeling a little overwhelmed by the future. While I am so thankful for the blessings God has given me- a job in less than a week, the opportunity to take classes for much less than UMHB, a loving mother at home- I'm still anxious about it. I feel like I have never been as scared by the future as I do now. I guess I just never realized how uncomfortable I am with unfamiliarity. I'm worried about the classes, the job, and especially next semester. I really need to completely trust that God has it under control. Isn't it odd to know that but not trust? Isn't even more odd to be thankful for what you are worried about? Have you ever felt like this?

Reflections on Psalm 34

Life feels as if it has been flying by for about the past week or so.God has been teaching me a lot lately, and I'm striving more and more each day to be completely satisfied in Him. He really laid Psalm 34 on my heart in a new way this week. I started thinking about all of these different parts of my future that I absolutely have no control over, and knew that I needed His guidance. His gift to me that night was Psalm 34. To give you an idea of the thoughts of the future that have been running through my head, here's a short list:
-This summer in San Antonio
-Graduating
-Friendships
-Every day decisions
-Guatemala trip
-Life after graduation- Singleness, etc.

So often I feel as if my thoughts are consumed by questions on the future. I worry so much about it to the point that it's ridiculous. Suddenly I realized that those thoughts were taking away from my present time, and that it wasn't my life to worry about anyways. My life is His, and good thing, because He has it all under control.

There's one verse in Psalm 34 that really struck me:

"The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:10

How many times have I wanted and hungered for something in my life to just happen? Like the answers to all of y questions to just appear. I hunger for the knowledge of little things, like "What will this summer bring me?" etc.

But it's not about me. "Those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." It's about seeking Him, and not for any benefit, but because He's the only way!

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

He guides, He comforts, He knows so much more than I do. This is why I cannot worry. This is why I cannot be consumed by the maybes of the future. Because my King has redeemed my life.

I have to constantly remember this as my hopes are let down. When friendships don't always meet the expectations I had for them, when certain things turn out to be not for me. I can take comfort and relief in the fact that God does have a plan that is so beyond me. It's not about me.

Great week!

Lauren and I got accepted to live in a house that we have been calling "our house" ever since we applied for it! :)It includes a loft and a breakfast nook!! I can't tell you how excited I am to be sharing a cute, cottage-like house with one of my best friends!! :) This is by far one of the greatest things that happened this week! I am so excited about having dinners and movie nights, and inviting all of our friends over all the time. A part of me is very sad that I won't be living in Huckins because my dear friend Allie was going to be in there as our RA, but I promised her she will be at our house as often as possible. I'm so excited!! So, if you have any furniture (maybe an old kitchen table?) that you want to get rid of, please let me know!! :)

Another great thing was the time I've gotten to spend with all my kids out at Children's Ministry. A few of them got to participate in the Easter Pageant again this year (which was amazing!), and I enjoyed every moment. For some reason, when I'm around them, I feel like everything's great. They bring something out in me, and I'm sure many of our volunteers that come out each week, that just makes you feel closer to God. I love that. I don't know if it makes sense, but I love it. Plus, what's cooler than being in a play about the life of Jesus with kids that you love?

God has brought me to a place that I've been praying for. That place where I don't worry about the future and what will happen in any area of my life because I'm in His hands. Now if only my stupid human flesh would stop wondering about it all... I promise it's just as bad as worrying!!

I'm leaving tomorrow for home. My mom has some awesome plans for us. We are going to try to get free trees at this huge plant/tree celebration. I don't know too much about it, but I'm all for getting free trees! I'd get to plant it in our yard, which is always way fun! :)

The Sin of Idolatry

I want to blog a little about something that really hit me at Revival. The very first night, Matt asked, "What is your hell?" He then gave examples of what many people struggle with. His first example was the single Christian girls he sees at his church that just graduate from college. The girl is thinking, "AH! I'm still single, and I'm *gasp* 22 years old." Then these girls proceed to date many guys, constantly giving their hearts away, because of their perception of hell: ending up alone.

Let me tell you, this hit me hard. That is definitely a struggle for me. I don't want to end up "alone".I want to be in love one day with a godly man. I want to have a family. I want, I want, I want, I want. Right??

While he continued to give other examples, his ultimate conclusion was that our hell should be separation from God. He went on to say that God created us with a desire to worship HIM(!!) but all too often we pin that desire on something that He created.

"...because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen." -Romans 1:25

I may not see it now, but I don't want to end up like this, 5, 10, 20 years down the road. I don't want to worship God's creation, rather than God himself.

Another thing Matt said that moved me was when he was talking about his daughter. He said that he so desperately wants for his daughter to grow up and marry a godly man, not just a cool Christian guy. How true is this!! Not only for the husband I want to marry one day, but I too don't want to be just a "cool Christian girl". I want to be a godly woman, I want to reflect His light, I want His words to constantly flow off of my lips! How beautiful will it be when I finally do meet that man of God. How beautiful will it be when I know that God blessed me because I did not give in to my desires to "not be alone", and instead of having that be my hell, my hell was being separated from Him! How beautiful will it be when I can share that love for the Father wish a wonderful, godly man! How beautiful will it be when that relationship glorifies the Lord because we are completely satisfied in Him.

And how beautiful it is that God hits me with these realizations so hard that I can find joy in Him because He is my Father, because He is good... when I delight in His love because it is so much better, powerful, and stronger than anything else I can ever find. How beautiful it is that I can be satisfied in Him and never be alone with or without an earthly relationship.

Revival Update, and Other Things...

Well, these past couple days were a blast. I got to skip a few classes and participate in something I love. :) I will never know how many hearts were changed through this year's revival, but I know that the true word of God was preached and hopefully at least one person thought about where they are with Jesus. I hope that change begins to occur in people's hearts, as well as my own.

While a part of me is sad that revival is already over, another part of me is also very relieved. I'm relieved that all the logistics were handled successfully and I'm glad that people came. Now, I cannot stress out every now and then. :)

Due to revival's late night yesterday, I had my first "semi-all nighter". I went home at about midnight, studied for a couple hours, went to bed for a couple hours, woke up at about 4ish, woke up at 6, took a shower, and studied some more. I know that sounds like academic suicide, but I think it worked! My Linguistics test seemed far easier than I thought it would be... or maybe those are my sleepy brain cells not comprehending it correctly. Who knows?! But I did count up my points and came up with a low A/high B. :) We shall see...

Now I'm at work. Enjoying the fact that I have nothing to do!

***Please pray for my dad! He's flying back today. THANKS!

Conversations About Religious Intolerance

My friend Lauren and I always seem to have some really good conversations. I'm sure most, if not all of you have heard of the new "youtube.com" craze. Well, Lauren mentioned to me the "vlogs" (video blogs) that some people post. So, I figured, hey, lets look for some! We were somehow on the topic of Buddhism, and so I typed in "Buddhism Vlog", and watched a couple. One of the people post a "vlog" about how she thought that we, as people, need to stop "acting" like whatever religion we claimed was true, while offending others. Well, Lauren and I looked at eachother, and we were stunned. We immediately said to eachother that we did not agree with anything this girl said.

This got me thinking about the calling that God has given us as His disciples. Are we truly claiming Christ? God calls us not to be ashamed of Him. I'm not merely talking about the times where we just can't get over our fear of mentioning God to someone (which is a whole different blog post), I'm talking about intentionally not including Him in conversation because we fear that we will offend someone. Paul says,

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." -Romans 1:16

To not be ashamed means that we shouldn't be scared of offending others. Honestly, so what if we do! How could you believe the gospel, and not have a deep desire to tell others?? This deep desire must overcome that fear! There have been certain people in my life who know this truth, that the gospel is the power of God! How can any one of us shrink back and be scared? What about passion for our Creator?

I will be the first to say that I am not perfect. I mess up. I don't always do what I know God is calling me to do. But that's just it... He has called us to live for Him. Right now. Life is too short to say that you'll talk to that person when the time is right, when you know that they can trust you. How can we be a true light if we're not shining for Him at all moments?

These are just the thoughts that have been flying around in my head while I do Spanish homework...

Nonsensical randomness...

I apologize if my posts have made no sense at all lately... including this one.

I am pretty much finished with school work right now. I only have one thing left, and it's a multicultural breakfast on Friday. Our country is Germany, which is pretty fun!

Jenn (roommate) and I have been going to the Daily Grind the past couple nights because or our new love for Tazo Chai Frozen Milk Tea (is that what it's called?). I am not a huge fan of buying tea, but oh man... I recommend this one! Plus, the coffee shop is just a ton of fun. I have known this guy that works there since my freshman year. His name is Leonard, although he sometimes calls himself "Dr. Love" for his matchmaking skills. Well, he served in Vietnam and is just a cool guy. Anyways, he pretty much gave us the best compliment I've ever heard the other night. We were on the topic of singleness (come on now, he is Dr. Love), and he told us, "There's no way you girls will be single for the rest of your lives- you're too pretty." For some reason, I just needed to hear that. Sometimes it's pretty believable that I became a nun in my sleep or something!

Oh and I have a small prayer request for myself. Lately I have been tossing things back and forth in my head that I'd really rather not toss back and forth in my head (sorry for that redundancy). It's nothing bad, I just really don't want to be thinking about these things. I feel like they're annoying, and they serve no use to me.

Guatemala!

So some of the best news ever happened today! :) If you didn't know, my parents have kind of been against the idea of me going on missions out of the country. This has been a big deal to me ever since I entered college because there are so many opportunities available to me. I never felt called to any specific country, but the idea was always in the back of my mind. Well, this year, at UMHB's annual Missions Emphasis Week, two missionaries came that had done 10 years on the mission field in Guatemala, and they still go back. It was a cute little couple, probably in their fifties, and I loved them. Well, they spoke in Spanish the whole time because they were presenting in my Spanish class. Before they came, I was expecting to be bored out of my mind because despite my 7 years of some form of Spanish class, I still don't know that much. I understood everything they said. I even talked back. This made me so happy. My heart broke for the Guatemalan community because they live a very poor lifestyle, and their water system is full of bacteria. They are in constant need of donations for things that we so often take for granted- clothes, purified water systems, food, education, even a church to fellowship and worship in.

Ever since that class, Guatemala had been on my mind, and slowly began growing on my heart. I had mentioned it to my mom in small talk, just trying to gain her insight on it sometime last semester. She had said that I could go if my dad approved. Well, it took me forever to work up the courage to ask my dad, and I finally did today. I was going to wait until he came home to ask him, but I felt the time was today on his phone call. I had mentioned a shirt that I had bought in support of the Omega Kids mission team from Baylor that is going to Guatemala this Spring Break. I told him what it was raising money for and what there trip was about. He said he thought it was a great idea and then I mentioned that I wanted to go next year. He said "You should! It sounds neat, and it's your last Spring Break."

I was speechless.

I couldn't believe that he had just said what I never thought he would say. Ever since we hung up the phone, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know if I will be going through Omega Kids, but I'm pretty sure I will. If not, I am thinking of going through Buckner, who also owns the camp I worked at 2 summers ago. This is SUCH exciting news! :) I will continue to update you with news on a future trip that I am so excited about!

Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.

8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.

9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed."

10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.

Some thoughts just running through my head...

At my small group tonight that I meet with each week, I couldn't sort my thoughts. I haven't been able to sort my thoughts. I'm one of those people that wants answers to questions- clear, distinct answers. I am not getting those answers right now. For some reason tonight, after reading a portion of the sermon on the mount with our group, I felt the need to just be still. I realized that I go throughout my day as a pretty cheerful person (lately). I have been making it a point to try to encourage those around me. I have been going out of my way to meet with people and enjoy time with friends. I have been doing all of these things, and while they may be good, they are not when I haven't found the time to just be still. As I walked back to my apartment tonight, I looked up at the stars and the moon, and everything in me wanted to be somewhere else. My life is not bad at all- I am very blessed. But when I forget about being still, and meeting with Him like I do with my friends, with study groups, with text books... it dawns on me all at once that I am not investing enough of my time in Him. I go throughout my day trying to please Him, talking about Him, thinking of Him... these are all good things. But what about spending just as much time meeting with Him?

Tonight Shawn passed out a list of questions that she found online, and I think they are very important to ask:
1. Am I investing in myself?
2. Am I genuinely interested in others?
3. Am I doing what I love doing and loving what I do?
4. Am I staying in my strength zone?
5. Am I investing my time with the right people?
6. Am I taking others to a higher level? (mission)
7. Am I taking care of today?
8. Am I taking time to think?
9. Am I developing leaders?
10. Am I pleasing God?

None of these things are possible if I'm not on the same page as my awesome Father in Heaven. If I try to accomplish these things... I fail. I feel miserable. Because during the midst of me not spending as much time with Him as I should, I begin to try to do the other things without Him. I begin to live in a way that suggests I don't need Him.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:2 (the first beatitude)

So I want to seek His face. I want Him to be my fuel. If He's not, then what I am doing is all in vain.

I never really write a whole lot about this, and I'm sorry to be so transparent, but I want to begin writing things on here that could be of encouragement to you. I want to call them "devotionals", but I don't know if this post would be considered that or not. I hope that this was encouraging to you- maybe you could recognize some of the same characteristics and need for change in your life. I pray that in any way, my words will spur you to chase after our King.

Weekends are amazing!

This week was like finals week, only it felt a little worse than that. I had 3 tests in a row! :) I don't even think my finals are like that this semester. Anyways, I made it out, and now I plan on enjoying my weekend! :) MLC has a retreat tonight, which I'm excited about! We'll play games, act out osme skits, read the Word, worship, and eat some breakfast that all the boys are making. That should be interesting! haha ;)

So, I hope everyone else has a wonderful weekend! :)

Prayer of St. Francis

I pretty much love this:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The writings of a single girl: The plain, don't feel sorry for me, truth.

The past few weeks have been another one of those weeks. For me, one of those weeks is the kind where you are just longing for some real companionship. Being single, I automatically pin this on the fact that I'm without a boyfriend. I have friends here that are true treasures in my life, but sometimes it just doesn't fill that hole.

Thinking about this (as I write), I think of a good section of Blue Like Jazz that I read last year. Despite the controversy or the popularity of that book, I read something in there that brought a smile to my heart. Donald Miller was talking to his newlywed friend, when he asked him how new married life was. His friend responded with quite the surprising answer, and replied with something along these lines: "It's wonderful, but it's not complete fulfillment. I love my wife, but I will never truly know her like she desires to be known, and she will never truly know me the way I desire to be known.... The only one that can truly know us is God." I don't know about you, but that is amazing to me.

I know people in my life care about me. I can't say that I don't sometimes wonder how different life would be if I had a boyfriend, a fiancee, or a husband. I can take joy in the fact that I have my Lord and that He is always accessible for me to talk to, to pour my heart out to, to cry with, to laugh with, to love.

It is when I am in these moments of longing for a(nother) companion that I realize I need to spend more time with my Lord. It is in these times when I say "I miss him," and I realize that that him is Him, my Father in Heaven. It is times like these that draw me back to Him.

smells good.

My perfume, that is.

That's really not what this post is about though ;)

I went out to eat with my good friend, Paige, this morning. I know her from church and she's pretty stinkin' cool (and by stinkin' I mean awesome)! We wanted to go to this small place called "Oldies Diner", but they are closed until April! That stinks, especially since their breakfast is only $2.99. We got over it real fast though and decided to go to I-HOP instead. I had the "Passport". 'Twas good. We talked about our lives and what's going on, and also about what God has been showing us lately. Then, Paige surprised me with a gift card to Goody's and LifeWay. She's too sweet. So, I endedup getting a sweater and some socks from Goody's. I'm waiting until the 31st to go to LifeWay because the book I want won't be here until then.

I'm going to babysit tonight, and tomorrow I will probably be in the library all afternoon catching up on my class work! :)