.pruned for my own good.

So I'm sure you know the common metaphor that is found in John 15. It has been a verse that has just stuck with me over the years, and it's funny because I forget its deep truth quite often.

It'll be a month since I graduated and I've yet to find a job. This has been very hard on me. I first began struggling with my feelings of inadequacy during my last month of college. The though of moving home was soon to be a reality, and I was forced to deal with it. For about the last year or so I have been carrying everything in my life on my own, without feeling like I needed God for much at all. That may very well be a harsh sentence, but it's the truth. I have simply been going through the motions without Him.

This last month has been very enlightening for me, and again I am learning the lesson that God teaches us so much through our trials. I had a very hard interview experience a few weeks ago that I took quite personally. Long story short, I had basically been offered a job, prepared for it (going so far as booking a place to live!), and then at the last minute been rejected. This really tore me up inside, and while it may sound like such a small thing, I had nights where I would cry about it. It wasn't just that I had been rejected, but that I had seriously gotten my hopes up so high, and then felt like I had been brought back to square one completely. I mean, living with your parents? What a loser, right? Especially with no job.... Well, it took a few people (my dad, Russell) to wake me up out of my melancholy stage. More than enough people have been reminding me that I needed to have faith that God was going to do something and that I needed to trust Him.

So it's true. It's completely true. Trusting in God is what I need to do, and I have finally given Him the reigns. While I haven't landed my dream job yet, I do have a small PT job at my church's nursery here in SA. It's every Wed. and Sun. and I have the rest of the week to keep looking for jobs. Plus, once I do get a job, they have been gracious enough to let me work less hours if I need to. It may not sound like much, but it has already proven to be a big help with my self-esteem. Today was my first day, and I was reminded of my love for children as I got to take care of them. They were all so amazing, and it reminded me that God has a plan for me that fits my desires, too.