in·sig·nif·i·cance/ˌɪnsɪgˈnɪfɪkəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-sig-nif-i-kuhns] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun the quality or condition of being insignificant; lack of importance or consequence.
I have been feeling very insignificant the past few days. It has felt as if every area of my life has not been what I thought it has, with a few exceptions. In high school, God had been teaching me that I was depending far too much on human relationships. Maybe that is the case now. I don't really know. Everything is a huge whirlwhind right now. Christmas is going to be so hard with my dad gone. My mom and I are doing okay. I am trying to be a better daughter, but sometimes it is so hard. I don't even know if I am being a good friend half the time. I just don't understand how one day I am perfectly fine, and the next everything is released to me about all of the things I have done wrong. This isn't directed at anyone, I just need to get things off my chest.
Why do I mess up without knowing it? Why do I need to be told? Am I that wrapped up in my own self that I don't even realize?? Am I so blind? In the pit of my stomach, I am feeling empty. Miserable for things that I often feel I don't have control over.
There are few people in my life that I can be open with. That I can be myself around and not have to be someone that I am not. People that seem to actually care.
I am sorry if I have not been that friend to anyone out there. The friend that you can laugh and be yourself around.
It's just so easy to feel alone when the people you love aren't there or seem so far away.
Lord, carry me please.
Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.
But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me.
I just never saw how you
Could cherish me.
Cause you’re a God who has all things,
And still you want me.
And I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Yeah, ye-ea-eah
Your love makes me forget what I have been.
Your love makes me see who I really am.
Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.
And I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to love me, ye-ea-eah!
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to…
oh oh oh oh eo (x4)
Love me, love me, yah
-Barlow Girl, I Need You to Love Me
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